Thursday, March 30, 2006
dearest nao gong..
nao gong! i was shooo touched when i saw this website. cox before i logged in. i was expected to see some comical yet ugly thing that u always draw=x ... but yet i really see a nice nice blog... =') ehh.. the picture u've taken looks v pro. i still tot is u get from somewhere.. hmm i tink u've improved on ur photographic skill le! but i think the object which u always shoot is quite ugly (which is urself).. haha. wo yi wei wo hen hao xao.. =x..
hmm.. sorry that i like so heck care abt ur concern yesterday... im juz too tired to know how im feeling.... quite surprised wad is supposed to be a relieve turns out to be lydat... hmm.. 1stly i was stressed out by my results.. but wad im sad with is not becox my results sux.. itz jux that i feel like.. im so helpless .. so alone.. come to think about the past time.. ive u to study with me.. i dun feel alone.. i dun feel afraid.. i dun feel insecure... but i can feel the fear in me now.. everyday when i reach home... at night.. knowing that im alone.. and im not going to make it for my studies .. its not that bq and shanshan they all are not gd to me.. or neglect me or wad.. its jux that .. i dun feel them as close to my heart as i feel towards u..
me and soonleng have broken up on 28th march 2006 .. woo.. li4 shi3 xing4 de yi ke4~ hahah.. hmmm..well he initiated and i made the decision.. as ive told u.. i think that breaking up will be a relieve for me.. and also a jie3 tuo1 for him.. perhaps i'll regret.. but if i dun make a decision.. the hurt will be prolonged and i'll feel increasingly guilty.. he finally cant tahan the pain le.. he told me that i nd to make a decision.. he said "if she bu de is your reason for not breaking up, u'll be able to get over me soon.. cox itz not love".. he said "no use being together w/o mutual feeling for each other" .. so i broke up with him le... i dunnoe whether itz jux my "old problem" again. which is always so emotional and yi yi bu she.. but i do feel sad and not relieve.. i feel so empty.. he said "because u're sticking with me for 19 mths.. of cox u'll feel close to me".. " mabbie feeling is lost already.. but u're jux so used to being with me..".. i dunnoe whether is it becuz of tt.. but i jux feel regretted.. i feel like.. why so much things can be done to save this condition yet im not doing it.. i hate myself for hurting him... now im hurting myself too.. i feel like doing alot of things with him but i cant...but i dun have the right to.. i feel tt someone impt to me in my life will no longer treat me the same way... im despressed... whenever i thought of times together i feel so sad.. i noe its over.. and will nv be the same.. mabbie wad ppl say is true... u will only cherish thing only after u lose it... but i dunnoe is it just becox im emotional or becox i really like him.. but i really miss him.... yesterday when i woke up from a nightmare, i was relieved that it was jus a nightmare.. but then... my breaking up with him is not a dream.. itz true.. and itz irreversible....hai.. how contradicting am i? feel tt this relationship has become bad le... yet now.. i feel regretted breaking up ..
i was questioning myself why i did so badly for my ct.. why? then i came to realise.. i wasnt happy since the start of the yr already... i feel so unbalanced.. even though i did work harder this yr... im performing badly.. thinkin back.. i was pa tor-ing yet studying at the same time.. always happy... always manage things well.. and i still get to do well.. i feel that im v sad this yr.. mabbie this yr will entirely change me.. mabbie i'll be a pessimistic person.. mabbie i'll get DEPRESSION?! choy... wouldnt it be nice to go back to the past?
mabbie as days pass.. i'll be less emotionally affected by this break up.. mabbie like he said.. i'll get over him soon.. but i dun think im going to find another guy that i feel so comfortable with in the future already... another guy who i can show my true self.. who can share my joy.. share my sorrow.. and share my nonsense already.. esp now... that its at the worst stage of my academic life... u're away.. he's no longer with me.. ='( im jux v insecured...
wouldnt it be nice to go back to the past?
hai.. still have got to move on ya? but i dunnoe if this breakup will make me regret for life.. 19 months.. so much memories.. and he's my pillar... my chu qi tong.. my listen ears.. even before 19 mths... those days are so nice...and also my academic dian feng!! -_-" .. lol.. i so crappy... talk for so long already.. hehe. k la. gotta do homewk le..
i've got to be strong!
btw my result is as follows:
maths-B
chemistry-C
physics-E
biology-E
gp- c6
=x
whether if not i can still take 4 subs. ive got to buck up!!!
jiayou for u too!! MUACK!
ur lovely nao po,
ys
youCOLOUREDmyworld;;
